Take Time To Recall That Specific Incident

Everyone advises not digging up the past, but the reason for this is so you can cut this thing from the roots to kill it. 

Take some time to revisit the situation, in detail, to get to the truth of the matter. What was it that hurt you the most? Is there a possibility of repair? If not, how can you move forward and turn this into a positive?

Try to see if there is any negative feelings that you can release, and try not to blame anyone. That includes yourself. The idea here is to bring up the negative feelings and deal with them once and for all. 

Forgive all involved whether they are guilty or not. And just let the bad feelings go. They have haunted you long enough. 

Also, look for the positives in the situation that you can be grateful for. Even if it's nothing more that viewing the situation as a valuable learning experience. Everything happens for a reason. 

Express Your Pain

To really get final closure, actively express your feelings in a meaningful way. You may want to vocalize them to yourself or to a trusted friend. 

You may be the type that likes writing to express yourself better. Write your offender a letter, but don't send it. Or you can put it in the form of a journal. 

Acknowledge the hurt, anger, regret or whatever you are feeling until your emotions are tranquil again. 

Hopefully this process will help you see why you are still holding on to those negative feeling. Getting this understanding will help you move on. 

Reframe It As A Learning Experience

Another technique you can use to kill the resentment is called reframing. This is simply acknowledging what happened, but attaching some positive redeeming quality to it. 

For instance, if you had to a bad breakup and suffered a lot of hurt, look at it as though it happened to get you closer to the one that you were really meant to be with. 

You get the picture. 

Everyone experiences painful things at times, but finding opportunities for personal growth is what you want to do. So, rather than dwelling on the pain, try reframing it into a learning experience. 

Forgive Others For Your Own Good

Your past hurts probably involve another person that you will find very hard to forgive. But forgive for your own sake, not theirs. 

When you forgive someone who has hurt you, you actually experience health benefits, including lower blood pressure, better heart health, and many psychological benefits, including less stress and fewer symptoms of depression. So, when you forgive someone, you are giving yourself a gift. 

Forgiving someone who wronged you is a sign of strength, not weakness. It doesn't mean you condone the hurtful actions, but rather that you will not allow those actions to burden you any longer. 

Also, forgiving a person does not necessarily mean reconciling with them. That may not be possible. It simply means that you are letting go of any resentment you feel, and any desire for revenge. 

 Try to be compassionate and empathetic to the person who hurt you, as hard as it may be. It's important to understand that people often hurt others because they are hurting. 

Lastly, you may have to forgive yourself as well, if you bear any responsibility for your past hurts. Forgive yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would anyone else. 

Find A Creative Outlet To Release The Stress

You can do everything you can to get this situation behind you, but still feel stressful. Try to get rid of this stress by finding a healthy outlet. Do something creative. 

Anything you can find from exercise to art can be a good creative release. 

It may even present the opportunity to enjoy a whole new set of people to interact with. Anything you can use for a positive distraction will help you regain your composure. 

Stop Allowing Yourself To Be A Victim

Stop allowing yourself from being a victim by taking responsibility to stop dwelling on the past. The first step towards healing is to take back control of your life. Realize that you and only you have the power to make your future better than your past. 

When you continue to blame others for everything negative that happens in your life, you are allowing them to control you. Always remind yourself that you are in control of your life. Then think of something positive that you can do to make your life better. 

Take control of your recovery by putting a plan together to stop letting others control your actions and emotions. 

Empower yourself by reminding yourself that you are the boss of your own life. 

Be Mindful Of Intruding Thoughts

Since you can't erase the past, be mindful of intruding negative thoughts. They will creep up on you at various times. 

When they do, gently move these thoughts away and remind yourself about what it is that your are focusing on in your life right now. 

It's ok to acknowledge a past memory, but quickly replace it with something positive. 

When you become preoccupied with thoughts about the past, try repeating the following phrase: "Bad things have happen to me in the past, but it is now the present and I don't have time to worry about the past because I am focusing on ___________."

View your mind like it's a box. The more you fill that box with positive things, it will crowd out the negative. Make a list of all the positive things happening in your life and fill your box with that. 

"Never Forget The Bad Times"

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